I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
