Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
