we're blogging at a bar
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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