saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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