Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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