She said her name was "party"
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
