White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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