I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
