theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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