i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
