In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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