"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize
