If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
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