Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
