I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
