Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
