At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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