i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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