A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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