Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
