So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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