"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
