I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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