god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
