I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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