Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
