she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize