Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
