I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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