I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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