I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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