How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
