Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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