I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
