a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
