I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize