when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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