Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
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