P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
