we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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