I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
