It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
