so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
