There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
