What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
