oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
