Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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