Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize