That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
