two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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