i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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