honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
