walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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