So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
