if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize