stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
