The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
honey bunches of taint.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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