sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
