it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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