My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
