I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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