In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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