We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
