Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
