You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
