hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize