Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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