I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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