He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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