I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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