You're completely useless in the revolution.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
