And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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