I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
