you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize