Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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