im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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