I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize