Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
