Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I will pee on everything he values.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
