I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
