my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
