Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
