New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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