i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
