Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
