I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
