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So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
