Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
