get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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