Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
