i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
