oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
