Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
