I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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