we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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