i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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