Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
