dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
