so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
