It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
