im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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