I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
In other news, I just burned my penis
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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