I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize