she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
