making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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